What you never knew.
was posted at 10:06 PM with 0 comments
It's been about four months since I've been going to this new school, and somehow I just feel like my English has been slightly deteriorating. I have been trying my best to adapt to the new British language instead of the American way. Also, I've been purposely adding 'lah's, 'ah's and 'lo's to whatever I say, so that the people there could understand me better. /: *if any one of you is reading this, I do not mean any offence.

Hopefully when I come back for the next semester I would be able to cope :Y I'm really not used to this new style of language.

Anyway, moving to the next topic, which is actually the main intention of me creating this post, I want to say that I'm aware you guys have noticed my sudden change of behavior. But I suppose you guys should be able to get used to this, cause I'm going through alot of ups and downs. Really sorry. I can't decipher my emotions sometimes, you know? There would be times when I would hate almost everything surrounding me. There would be times when fear would overcome me. There would be times when I would continuously condemn myself. There's so many. And you can't blame me for that, because if I was given a choice, I would pick to be happy all the time.
I could try to be happy, but at times it's just too difficult.

I'm pretty sure you guys have been called worthless or at least been insulted before, am I right? I have. I have, for years, when I was younger. And I could remember all of the insults. All of the 'you're useless' etc. Up 'till this day, it still haunts me. As a child, I was gullible, so I believed it all. As a result, it prevented me to believe anyone when they tell me I'm pretty or smart (That should be able to answer all your questions by now).
I would pray to God, asking him why he allowed it all to happen. And you know what? This year, I realized why..

This year, I finally saw the benefits coming out of all the insults thrown at me. These insults affected me badly. But if it didn't, then why I would I try to figure out the reasons why those people said those things?

If we were able to go back to that time, I would answer with one simple sentence: "Because it's true; Because I'm useless." But there's more than that, that I didn't know.

So they said this. And that. Over, and over again. Said I was too shy to have any friends. However, if it wasn't for them to say that, I wouldn't have made an effort to know more people. And look, I have so many great friends now.

Said I was useless. Effect? I experimented with different things, and picked writing as my hobby. I wrote until my hands were numb, and by now, writing a 700-word essay wouldn't be as difficult if I didn't practice.

Here's what I'm trying to say: With those negative comments people say about you, turn it into something positive. Go and prove them wrong. Don't just believe it and go to your bedroom, cry and complain to the Lord.
I've been there, done that.

Learn from people's weaknesses. I don't know about you, but I enjoy listening to stories based on someone's life. I always learn something from it.

I'm so sick of condemning myself all these years. So sick of all those insults running through my mind every time. I want to start all over again.

Oh yeah, to those who are currently insulting other people, think twice (: You might be making making their lives better in the future, instead of ruining them. Reflect on your personality too , at the same time. You're not perfect either.

I know I look I'm counselling you. And I know you probably died reading halfway through this post =x But I just felt I needed to say all of this. Sorry, it's so unorganized. Am extremely tired right now, due to the lack of sleep last night. Slept less than five hours, I think. Too many things were on my mind.

So. That's about it. :) My bed is calling for me. I don't wanna go to school again tomorrow, looking like a half-dead zombie who can barely talk. 'NIGHTS!

~10p.m

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