Midnight thoughts
was posted at 1:52 AM with 0 comments
This is the first time I've felt strangely compelled to write out my thoughts at midnight. For some reason, there's just been so many things on my mind these days and I've been feeling very tightly wounded. Which is so odd because I have completely nothing to do.

Okay, that is quite a moot point. It is true to argue that I still have subjects to study, a couple of tasks here and there, and responsibilities that I am still held accountable for. But I still feel like I'm in a limbo. I'm still in school, but I don't even know if that statement is valid since I only have to attend once a week. This leaves me with 4 days without a schedule. I barely know any of my new classmates, and even though I'm close to a few, hanging out would be difficult since they're taking almost double the subjects that I'll be taking. Just to give a bit of a backdrop, I decided to split my IGCSE subjects last year because I was unsure of whether I could handle the whole bulk of 8 subjects in one sitting. Thus I have a remaining 3 subjects to do this coming May.

I'm not even sure why I'm complaining so much about where I currently stand. I'm more than satisfied with my results for my October sitting, but I cannot help but imagine how my life would be if I had just pushed myself with 8 subjects. I would most likely be in my 3rd month in college by now, and I would potentially be able to graduate with a bachelor's degree at the age of 20.
Instead, I will only be entering college in August, factoring in an additional year of studies.
One year. "One year" has been haunting me for weeks on end since the start of 2015. Now that I've written that out I feel slightly ludicrous and realize how freaking competitive I am. I'm ashamed to even say that I've read through a whole number of forums just to find out the ages of other people of when they're leaving school.

I've been moping around solely because of this. What's even more stupid is that I'm fully aware that graduating at 21 isn't considered late, and that despite knowing this, I'm still fidgeting and holding on onto all the "what ifs" and "could haves" and "mights" and the whole fantasy of "graduating a year earlier". I have no idea how I've glorified that sentence to this point.

With 147 more days to go before starting college, I've decided to just try and make the most out of it -  even though I'd feel like it's nothing much since it won't t spell out much academic achievement. Here are the things I'd want to do before August:

  • Finish IGCSEs
  • Get a driving licence
  • Read more books and try to improve on my writing
  • Reorganise my room
  • Step out of my comfort zone at the gym, and that means experimenting with gym equipment that I'm not so familiar with. (This is a challenge for me because I hate breaking routines) 
  • Travel more 
  • Educate myself better with hot debate topics, so that I can stop being on the fence about them. 
  • Do more product reviews
  • Cook more (!!!) and try to make myself more domesticated lol 
It's 1:49 a.m right now, and I have nothing else left to write. I think I've managed to empty most of my thoughts in this post. I will update this blog again soon, and hopefully I would have been able to make some progress with the above by then!