was posted at 10:51 PM with 0 comments
//10:55p.mDear 2011,
You brought tears & laughter which are all nothing but memories now. You weren't what I expected, nor were you completely disappointing. Christmas '11 wouldn't be the same as the rest of the years anymore. My friends at church are almost strangers to me due to the two months of me skipping youth meetings. Bottom line is is that you were the biggest roller coaster I had ever experienced.
Beginning of 2011, I had tried eating too little, way too afraid of becoming fat. I made close friends who have forgotten me by now. I picked up Accounting. Middle of 2011, things started to become terrible. I felt so unworthy and unwanted. I didn't know what to do. I lost my way to happiness, and was at the saddest point of my life. I started eating too much from then onwards. And here we are now..at the end. Me, heavier with fats and still lost .
But, it's already done. I've worried too much for the future. I've dwelt too long in my past mistakes. Maybe it's my continual impatience as I try to accomplish all my goals within a short period of time. Maybe it's my non-existent assurance of becoming happy and content. Maybe it's my fear of staying due to the fact that nothing stays forever. Maybe I've lost hope in discovering my abilities. They say life's too short ; They say our time here is but a breath. But it's so long for me, and I'm not even halfway there.
I've forgotten the path to happiness. I've forgotten all the beautiful intricate creations God had skilfully crafted. Remember my 2010 new year resolution list? I didn't get to fulfill everything. So, for next year, I want to be someone different. I'm going to be happy. I don't know how and I don't know where to start. But, I'll get there.
So, 2011, I am fully aware I can't erase all the sadness let alone change anything..& I'm ready for 2012.
Lynn.