so, what's new?

I've just turned twenty-three a month ago, and I am currently sitting perched on my bed, with my left arm sore and heavy from getting my first dose of Covid-19 vaccine. 

In my best efforts to distill everything down -- 

I've graduated from University, I was granted my Australian Permanent Residency during my final semester, I'm in my second full time job, I've made a career switch. 

I've challenged myself to live with a stranger, did that for a year, regretted it. Made the best decision to move out. 

Met my boyfriend, Clement, who I love with my whole being. We just had our three year anniversary. 

I'm living through a pandemic. Clement is the best pandemic buddy I could ask for.

My family is going through a major life event. I'm not ready to process it yet. I've not been home in a year and a half.

When I was reading my past entries on this blog, I couldn't help but notice just how different my views on success looked like, and how it has changed over the years. One thing that was constantly highlighted in many of my posts was my pursuit of happiness. 

After all these years -- Am I happy? 

In retrospect, I have achieved everything I wanted. I wanted to move out from home. I wanted to graduate with First Class Honors from uni. I wanted a job that would allow me to live independently and comfortably. I wanted to be in a happy and secure relationship. 

I am happy. These things were and are huge things in my life. But I would be damned to think that I had absolutely nothing worth rejoicing about four years ago. 

Covid-19 has really halted everything and has given me so much space and time to think and reflect. Most of the time though, I feel like the thoughts that come about in isolation form one massive beast that is impossible to unpack so I try not to go there often. 

But I need to, in small steps. The changes happening in my family unit are big and has opened up a very raw space in me. Writing has always served as a processing outlet for me. I want to use that.