Hellooo.

Some of you may know I'm currently having this 'book craze' of my own. So far I've managed to finish three books, and am on my fourth. Three more to go! :D

Yesterday, I realized that I haven't finished my Science project :Y I also realized it has to be completed before school starts. And I ALSO realized it's a group project, and that I have to somehow arrange a time for everyone to start on it. Screw it. Screw it for disrupting my school holidays.

Anyhoo, I've promised this girl called Evelyn Lim to blog a post bout her (:

And I s'ppose it's quite safe for me to combine it together with whatever I just wrote above. Yeah.

So, Evelyn's my age. We met when I first started school here in ALC :D

I could remember the first day clearly. She was really, really quiet (unimaginable but she was) and coming to think about it, I think I was the one who made her hyper ._. Ohwells! We started talking alot and she told me about her made-up swear words. I could remember her first one was 'chicken rice' xD It was created 'cause the chicken rice in this school is disgusting according to her.

It soon progressed to 'button mushroom' and then to 'cheescake'. Meanwhile, I decided to make my own swear words. I made 'banana cake' and 'piranha fish'. I guess piranha fish aren't edible, but so what? It sounds cool and weird.

We also created this awesome book called A.A.A where we would scribble random stuff. During classes , we would pass the book to each other and write weird stuff on it. Our plan was to let each other take the book back home to scribble more stuff in it. We do it alternately, taking turns. Unfortunately, we used up all the spaces in the book, and now we're left A.A.A-less. /: We're deciding to buy a new one though, with our own pocket money :D

There was particularly one day in school, which turned out to be one of my favorites. It was the day when everyone found out about the 'pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows' song and were singing it continuously in school. It slowly became a song to provoke/taunt each other though :P , but in a great , annoying way. There was Friday too. All thanks to Rebecca Black & that creepy pyramid eyebrowed guy on Youtube..

Recently, we developed this inside joke about gay highlighters. It's a long story. But Evelyn, if you're reading this, WHICH I HOPE YOU ARE OTHERWISE WRITING THIS POST WOULD PRETTY MUCH BE POINTLESS, you'd get what I mean (:

'Kay ', nuff said. Talk to you guys another time. x

P.S: Blogger finally fixed the photo uploader! :D

It's been about four months since I've been going to this new school, and somehow I just feel like my English has been slightly deteriorating. I have been trying my best to adapt to the new British language instead of the American way. Also, I've been purposely adding 'lah's, 'ah's and 'lo's to whatever I say, so that the people there could understand me better. /: *if any one of you is reading this, I do not mean any offence.

Hopefully when I come back for the next semester I would be able to cope :Y I'm really not used to this new style of language.

Anyway, moving to the next topic, which is actually the main intention of me creating this post, I want to say that I'm aware you guys have noticed my sudden change of behavior. But I suppose you guys should be able to get used to this, cause I'm going through alot of ups and downs. Really sorry. I can't decipher my emotions sometimes, you know? There would be times when I would hate almost everything surrounding me. There would be times when fear would overcome me. There would be times when I would continuously condemn myself. There's so many. And you can't blame me for that, because if I was given a choice, I would pick to be happy all the time.

I could try to be happy, but at times it's just too difficult.

I'm pretty sure you guys have been called worthless or at least been insulted before, am I right? I have. I have, for years, when I was younger. And I could remember all of the insults. All of the 'you're useless' etc. Up 'till this day, it still haunts me. As a child, I was gullible, so I believed it all. As a result, it prevented me to believe anyone when they tell me I'm pretty or smart (That should be able to answer all your questions by now).

I would pray to God, asking him why he allowed it all to happen. And you know what? This year, I realized why..

This year, I finally saw the benefits coming out of all the insults thrown at me. These insults affected me badly. But if it didn't, then why I would I try to figure out the reasons why those people said those things?

If we were able to go back to that time, I would answer with one simple sentence: "Because it's true; Because I'm useless." But there's more than that, that I didn't know.

So they said this. And that. Over, and over again. Said I was too shy to have any friends. However, if it wasn't for them to say that, I wouldn't have made an effort to know more people. And look, I have so many great friends now.

Said I was useless. Effect? I experimented with different things, and picked writing as my hobby. I wrote until my hands were numb, and by now, writing a 700-word essay wouldn't be as difficult if I didn't practice.

Here's what I'm trying to say: With those negative comments people say about you, turn it into something positive. Go and prove them wrong. Don't just believe it and go to your bedroom, cry and complain to the Lord.

I've been there, done that.

Learn from people's weaknesses. I don't know about you, but I enjoy listening to stories based on someone's life. I always learn something from it.

I'm so sick of condemning myself all these years. So sick of all those insults running through my mind every time. I want to start all over again.

Oh yeah, to those who are currently insulting other people, think twice (: You might be making making their lives better in the future, instead of ruining them. Reflect on your personality too , at the same time. You're not perfect either.

I know I look I'm counselling you. And I know you probably died reading halfway through this post =x But I just felt I needed to say all of this. Sorry, it's so unorganized. Am extremely tired right now, due to the lack of sleep last night. Slept less than five hours, I think. Too many things were on my mind.

So. That's about it. :) My bed is calling for me. I don't wanna go to school again tomorrow, looking like a half-dead zombie who can barely talk. 'NIGHTS!

~10p.m

These few days were. Well. Depressing? I can't blame PMS cause I just got over it last week. I would sit in one corner, feel like crying and keep asking God why I can't rewind time; why I was put in this position; why He can't let me know how much potential I have; Let me know that there's a way to solve all these problems.

And everyday, I would wonder why He had let me have scoliosis. It isn't fair. Nothing's fair.

I got all of my results, (Accounts 84%) - highest in class for three subjects. Yet, my parents didn't bother. In fact, on the days when I studied for seven hours after school, they would ask me to stop instead of encouraging me. I'm not like other kids, who are better in sports and activities than studies.

And my parents want me to be like them. It's like I've been disappointing them all the while.

This is so stupid. I don't know what to do anymore..*sigh

Exams are over! :D In other words, I'm finally stress-free. I literally disconnected myself from all electrical devices for about four days and now I'm back on! During the exam week I had been studying like !@#%$^&$@. Right after school I would come straight home and study all the way until my bedtime. Yes, that's how serious I take my studies.

Anyways, the holidays are approaching and I'm soo excited. I've already promised myself to throw all my textbooks away in one pile once the holidays start. :D Hoyeah :}

This time, I'm gonna use the school holidays to make something productive/beneficial. Here's what I'm planning to do:

Oh yeah, I got my exam results today. Except for Accounts though :(

That one's coming on Wednesday.

Here's what I got so far:

Science- 94%

Maths- 94%

English- 80% :'(

Bm-50% D':

Screw karangans and essays for life! Am so dissappointed with the English and BM results. Hope the Accounts' would be higher than those two.

Okay, I'm done. I wanna give my full attention to my Toblerone and Ferrero Rocher chocolates now (:

Reason why? I don't know. I hate this week. I hate this year. I hate my stupid scoliosis. Screw it for life. I hate being this ugly useless person. I hate knowing that I've let down so many people.

I'm so sick of this. I feel like I could just stay home for the rest of my life and die. I don't see anything worth it in me. I'm such a failure in every freaking area.

In my weight. In my studies. I can't do anythingg. I don't even think I have a talent.

It just seems like I'm here, stranded with all my insecurities and wondering why did I even have to exist.

And yes, I'm aware that this is the worst composed post ever. Bye.